I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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