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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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