i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize