I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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