I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
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that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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