I faked an abortion last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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