Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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