Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize