Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My pussy is not your playground.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize