Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
