Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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