Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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