So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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