look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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