Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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