Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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