wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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