Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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