if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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