I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize