my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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