Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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