how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize