sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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