i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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