Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
