she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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