I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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