Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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