if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize