Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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