Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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