Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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