did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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