1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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