I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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