whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize