I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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