Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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