would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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