please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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