Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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