i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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