I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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