There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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