she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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