i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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