so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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