I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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