Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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